Any Old Day
by cinithea
Summary: Loose series of shorts. Just regular days through the eyes of the team and their friends.
1. Paintball

Teyla looked at her team. She wondered, not for the first time, if this was worth being so distant from her people. She believed that with the aid of the people of her galaxy, the residents of Atlantis could defeat the wraith. She believed that being here with them would benefit her people. Truly, she did.

However, there were times she questioned her beliefs. Teyla knew they were good people. She knew they were loyal and honorable. She knew they were able to use technology to their advantage. Their skills in diplomacy were adequate. Looking at them now, she was sure they needed a keeper. Or a warden.

They had been at the Alpha site, engaged in what some were calling 'War Games'. It was for training purposes, according to Colonel Carter. A way for them to release some tension. Teyla had used her pregnancy as an excuse not to go. She had wanted to spend the day in peace and quiet, perhaps meditating and napping. She had felt refreshed by the time the Jumpers had returned. Thinking she could invite her team to join her for a meal, she had gone to the Jumper bay to meet them.

The two warriors on her team was covered in spatters of brightly colored paint. John and Ronon wore matching expressions of ire. Rodney, with significantly less paint, smirked.

"It was cheating!" Sheppard was insisting.

"No it wasn't."

"Yes. It. Was."

"No, it wasn't cheating. It was... improvising a defensive perimeter!" Rodney said triumphantly.

"I guess they learned some things. It was a smart thing to do against an enemy with better training." Ronon smiled slyly. He found it amusing to watch the two bicker like children, and often encouraged it. Teyla sighed, glad she hadn't had the chance to invite them to dinner.

"Ha! See! Good strategy!" Rodney huffed gleefully.

"Perhaps you should discuss this later? After you have changed your clothing?" Teyla tried to soothe and divert. Usually, it worked.

"You can't use land mines in paint ball!"

"Yes, I can," Rodney's chin lifted, "and I did."

"But it's cheating!" John stalked from the Jumper. Teyla closed her eyes at the hint of whining in John's voice.

"Correct me if I'm wrong- which, of course, I'm not- but wasn't this supposed to be a training exercise? A way for the scientists to practice combat skills without being in danger of actually dying?"

"But... well, yeah, sure, but no one makes paint filled land mines!"

"My science department does." He wiggled his fingers near his head. "Smartest man in two galaxies? Ring a bell? Did you think I wouldn't come up with some kind of advantage?"

"It wasn't mentioned in the rules!" Sheppard was pouting now. Teyla watched them wondering, again, how a whole planet of people like them had managed to survive for so long.

"You're right. It wasn't specifically _prohibited_ by the rules, at least." He picked at a piece of flaky blue. "Do you think this stuff is really safe? I mean, did the botanists test the plants before extracting the dye? What if it's an allergen? Should we go see Keller?"

"Rodney! It won't hurt you. But you should worry about the marines. None of them are very happy." Now it was John's turn to smirk. "They all thought you cheated, too."

"Oh come on! You're the military commander. You worry about them. And besides, do you think any of us are really worried about them? Hmm?" Rodney threw an arm towards the hallway. "We just built land mines from pieces of our paint ball guns and our survival kits!"

"Yeah, that wasn't bad McKay." And wonders of wonders, Ronon did sound impressed. "Can you teach me to do that?"

Rodney's mouth opened and closed, his eyes wide as he tried to decide if Ronon was serious or teasing. Finally, he said, "Well, I imagine we can teach you how, though of course you won't understand all the science behind it-"

"Don't need to. Just want to make 'em." Ronon smiled his 'I love to kill' smile. Teyla ground her teeth. She knew why he persisted in acting as if he lived to kill, but thought that doing it simply to intimidate Rodney was childish. They were _team_.

It always worked. Rodney swallowed nervously, then seemed to gather his arrogance as a shield. "Sure. If you stop by the labs later, I'll show you. Of course, this will mean that the science department will have to come up with something else to give us an edge, but it shouldn't be too hard. Radek really likes explosives. I'll have to talk to him and see..." His voice faded out as he and Ronon left the bay.

"It was a good tactic." Teyla said, just because she was feeling mean. "And your marines were perhaps, complacent? They gravely underestimated their opponents."

"Yeah. They weren't thinking the geeks would give them much of a challenge." He smiled happily.

Surprised, Teyla asked slowly. "But you were not upset?"

"Nope." He gave her a smug grin. "I knew my genius would think of something. McKay works well under any threat of death, even pretend."

"Then why...?" Teyla looked at John.

He looked at her. Then he grinned. "I love to wind him up."

She stared at him for a second. Then she groaned. "I do not understand your people."


	2. Cookies

Ronon sat on a rock, watching the festival. It was held once a year among the Dankah. They spent the whole day celebrating life. Music and laughter filled the air. Ronon watched the dancers whirl, their colorful scarves streaming behind them. He had a moment of bitterness that Melina wasn't alive, but squashed it down.

He felt a hand on his arm. Teyla, who knew their moods and offered comfort when needed. He sent her a look to tell her he was alright. She smiled knowingly.

"It is not wrong to enjoy the life you have, Ronon. It is good to remember those lost, but also good to remember that you are still here." Teyla pulled him into the dancers, laughing at his movements. He allowed himself to let go of his pain for just this one day.

Later, as he sat outside the small hut they'd been given for the night, he thought about his team. Really, they were his family, his people. The only ones he had left anywhere. It saddened him, but made him grateful that they'd found him. Because if they hadn't, he would still be running, still be alone.

Sheppard had offered him a home. Taken him in and treated him with more trust and honor than he'd come to expect from anyone. Teyla gave him understanding and shared as much of her peace as he was able to accept. McKay gave him other things. Bluntness. Sound and movement. All together they gave him hope.

McKay chose that moment to drop down beside him. "You know, if I wasn't so terribly aware of just how likely it is that this galaxy will kill me, I would have enjoyed the day more. Or maybe I only enjoyed it as much as I did because I do know the oh-so-many ways I can die."

Ronon grunted but kept his eyes on the dark beyond the bonfire, not exactly sure why McKay was talking to him. It wasn't that they didn't talk, but McKay didn't seek him out to do it. Not that he really minded (deep down, he actually liked the sarcastic genius).

"You're doing OK, right? I mean, it's probably weird for you being in the middle of all this-" he waved his had vaguely in the direction of the village "when you can't have your rituals or feasts or whatever. Did you have a celebrate life day or something? On Sateda?"

"No."

"Oh. Well." He was quiet for a second. "Hey, do you want some cookies? I had to trade a bag of popcorn for them, but it was worth it, I think." Ronon followed the hand holding cookies up his arm to look at Rodney's face. Wide and uncertain blue eyes stared at him. "If you don't want any, well, I mean, you don't have to eat them now. You could always save them. You know, for when you feel...sad. Or whatever."

Ronon stared at the Canadian. Did he think Ronon was sad? Was he trying to _make him feel better_? "What do you want, McKay?" He growled. He always did it on purpose, secretly amused at the look that always passed over McKay's face. It was half fear, half consternation. It was funny as hell and always made the smaller man stammer.

"Well, I only, uh... I mean... Look, I just thought maybe you were feeling a little, uh, alone. I saw you earlier, and you seemed... lonely. Well, as much as anyone who looks like he eats children can look lonely." Rodney closed his mouth. "Obviously you aren't. Lonely, that is. So I'll just go and, uh, you know."

"You offered me cookies." And though Ronon had felt fine most of the day, he was touched that the only person who was more socially clumsy than he was had thought of him. Had wanted to help him. That was the thing with McKay. He might be rude and arrogant, but he wasn't thoughtless with people he cared about. He had brought cookies, but Ronon knew that with McKay, bringing food was the same as bringing friendship.

"Um. Yes, yes I did."

"Give 'em here." Ronon held his hand out.

"Oh, sure." Rodney handed him the whole bag and started to turn away, nervously brushing his hands on his pants. "So, I'll see you in the-"

"Where're you going?" Ronon sent him a tiny smile. "Sit. Share them with me."


	3. Cultural Differences

_A/N: Special thanks to Chris for pointing out that I didn't make it clear they were on the radio and especially for offering suggestions!_

* * *

Sam Carter sighed. She'd read the reports, even seen them first hand. Heck, she'd even dealt with her own version of "The Terrible Two". But Sheppard and McKay were something else. The trouble they got into was mind-boggling. She listened to her radio with growing amusement.

"So what you're telling me is that because you hit Rodney, the natives think you're married?" She ignored Chuck's muffled laughter. "Why is that?"

"_Uh, apparently, they have some kind of touch taboo. Once they're adults, they can only touch a spouse_." Sheppard's voice was wry. "_And a slap on the head is considered to be a terrible punishment since touching is sacred_."

"_Oh, and of course I'm the one who ends up being the wife. Can you seriously believe that? Come on, tell Colonel Caveman it's time for us to come home._" Rodney's voice broke in.

"_Colonel Carter_?" Teyla sounded torn between laughter and tears. "_They have excellent food. And their elders tell me this year they've had a large surplus. They are quite willing to trade with us."_

"In return for what?"

"_Sam, you aren't seriously going to consider a trade with these- these crazy people?_" Rodney sounded absolutely panicked.

"Colonel, is there something more I should know?" Sam huffed a strand of air out of her eyes.

"_Well, the thing is, they think Rodney doesn't show proper respect for his man._" Oh, yeah, Sam thought, John was totally enjoying this. "T_hey want him to be, uh, what is the word I'm looking for?"_

"_Humble_." Ronon rumbled, laughing.

"_Docile. Like a cow. Anyway, he would just have to act like he's... not himself_."

"_He would be required to serve John his meal and to care for his belongings_." Teyla added.

"_Like a servant! Like a- a really bad parody of a fifties housewife!"_ Rodney was practically wailing now. "_They expect me to pretend he's the big man and I'm the little woman. I will not wash his underwear!"_

Chuck erupted into choking giggles. One of the techs snorted coffee out of his nose. Sam bit her lips and said as steadily as she could, "How long would they expect you to do this?"

"_What! Sam, you don't seriously think I'm doing this, do you? You do, don't you? And you don't even know the half of it! I'm supposed to be silent the whole time! And besides serving his food, washing his clothes and helping him bathe I will then be required to attend a voodoo ritual!"_

"John? Maybe you should come back? We could send another team." Sam was a little worried that a) Rodney would seriously offend the natives and ruin any chance of negotiating a trade and b) that someone would use this against Sheppard and his career wasn't worth a bit of fruit and grain.

"_It is not a voodoo ritual. It is simply that they wish to... educate Rodney in the correct way to treat his mate_." Teyla inserted.

"_Oh, sure, let's all mock the smart one. No, no Teyla, not that you're not smart, because you are. Really, I meant, uh, well- Hey! Ow! Ronon! Stop it!_"

"_Oh crap! I think they saw that!_" They could hear rustling and breathing over Sheppard's radio.

"John? What is it?" Sam was suddenly worried. She could hear shouting in the background. "What's going on there?"

"_Uh, Sam, we should really come back. Because, seriously? I think there might be a problem._" Rodney groaned. "_No, that is wrong, wrong, wrong! I am not mated with either one of them!"_

"_Hey! What are you doing_?" Sheppard yelped. Sam could hear Ronon's blaster charging in the background. "_Ronon! No shooting!_"

"_See? I told you! Crazy people!_" Rodney panted. "_Ronon!_"

"What's going on? Colonel Sheppard?"

"_Colonel Carter, I believe you should disengage the gate so that we can dial home_."

Later

"So when they saw Ronon hit Rodney in the head, they assumed that both of you, uh, were married to him? Or something?" Sam said weakly.

"No, they suddenly decided that poor Rodney had been taken advantage of, and that me and Ronon were," Sheppard dropped his head to the table, "molesting him."

"According to their customs, if one touches another person, they are presumed to be mated, and the stronger partner protects the other." Teyla smiled with humor. "When John did not try to kill Ronon for touching Rodney, and Rodney was clearly protesting, they assumed they were keeping Rodney without the protection of mating. A very serious offense."

"I hate that planet." Ronon- a very, very orange Ronon- snarled from the corner.

"Oh, it's not that bad. Keller said it'll wear off in a week or so." Sheppard snickered. "Be glad they only threw plant dye on you."

Ronon bared his teeth. Sam thought they looked very white against the orange goatee. "Yeah, I guess they could have made me walk through the city yelling out McKay's virtues and apologizing."

"Do not forget that he cares deeply for Rodney." The Athosian laughed while Sam fought the urge to cross her eyes.

John shifted in his seat. "I thought we were going to leave that out of the report!"

"Uh, that would be no." Rodney smirked. "That was the best part of the whole thing."

"Let's get back to the mission." Sam folder her hands on the table. She really wondered sometimes if the SGC used Atlantis to store the slightly _off_ personnel. "There was no threat of bodily harm?"

"They simply threw skins of dye on Ronon and persuaded Colonel Sheppard to declare his remorse and his affection for Doctor McKay." Teyla's lips twitched.

"Hey! I was the one saying we should leave long before the hairy goliath over there ruined our chance to get away unscathed." Rodney scowled. "You did this."

"I must agree with Rodney. Had Ronon not given in to temptation, we would likely have been able to make a better trade for the food." Teyla shrugged. "As it turns out, it was still a fair barter."

"Yeah, Ronon. You made them think we were morally corrupt." Sheppard smirked.

"You're the one who wouldn't defend his mate."

"He's not my mate!" Rodney turned to Sam. "Oh, and Sam? You should ask Sheppard how they managed to convince him to do it."

Sam looked at a suddenly uncomfortable Air Force pilot. "Well?"

"They were going to keep McKay. To protect him from people like us." Sheppard crossed his arms and looked at the ceiling.

"Oh, please. As if we couldn't have gotten away. They didn't even have clubs. Just those bags of dye." Rodney huffed. "We probably could have walked right out."

"It was the non-violent solution."

Teyla began to giggle. Ronon chuckled. Rodney positively cackled with glee.

"Fine. They had more bags of stuff. They threatened to dye me pink! Pink, Sam." John swallowed. "After they shaved my head."


	4. Bad Missions

"This officially ranks as the worst mission yet." Sheppard wiped at the... stuff... on his face.

"Actually, it wasn't too bad. The food was edible, no one tried to kill us and we got some apple-like fruit." Rodney smiled at Teyla. "And the best part? They actually liked me."

"They did. I was quite pleased that you made a good impression." Teyla smiled back. John tried to scrape more of the goo from his chest with a stick.

"You know? I think we should be really careful when whole planets like Rodney." John sent him a smirk. "It's abnormal."

"Oh, ha, ha. You're just jealous because they liked me and didn't fall for your charms. And that they made you chase that chicken thing through the manure pasture."

Teyla laughed. "It was not so bad. Except for the smell."

"See? Worst mission." John looked woefully at his clothes. He was pretty sure that in addition to the humiliation of having to walk to his quarters like this, the laundry staff was going to hate him. He could see starched underwear in his future.

"Worse than when you had to dance naked in the moonlight?" Rodney snickered. He flapped his fingers around his face. "I nearly went blind. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. And considering that I've almost been eaten by a Wraith, that says something."

"Of course! This was way worse." Sheppard was indignant.

"That was worse. For us." Ronon's lips curled in a smile.

John scrunched up his face. "Funny. I would think you'd have some sympathy for me, at least. Considering. You know. What with the mission to Barlin. Remember that one, Ronon?"

"That didn't happen." Ronon stated flatly, all traces of humor gone.

"Oh, but it did." Sheppard smiled slyly. "We were all there. Right, Rodney? Teyla?"

"I do not recall anything out of the ordinary." Teyla's eyes were focused straight ahead. She walked faster.

"Rodney, you remember, don't you?"

"Hm. No, I just remember eating, and- and sleeping in a hut. And eating. Nothing else." Rodney glanced at Ronon nervously.

"See? Never happened." Ronon grinned and gave Rodney an encouraging slap on the back.

"That's just wrong. What about the mission to PRX-390? You have to remember that one." Sheppard said sourly.

"Uh, that would be the one where we were trading for the almost oats? Nope, can't think of anything unusual." Rodney quickened his steps to catch up with Teyla.

"You have to! You had to wear a dress and makeup! They thought you were Ronon's wife!" Sheppard's voice rose as Rodney lengthened his stride. He looked at Ronon suspiciously. "Tell me you all didn't make some kind of pact or something!"

"OK. We didn't." Ronon smiled. "Feel better?"

"No. You're lying." John gritted his teeth. "You did so make a pact."

"Yeah. We only joke about the missions that are embarrassing to you." Ronon smiled. Sheppard hated him right then. Hated the big, very clean and not smelling warrior.

"Why? Why not Rodney's 'Bad Mission' stories? Or Teyla's?" When she turned around to give him a _look_, he said (in a much lower voice), "OK, not Teyla. Why not Rodney?"

"You already tell everyone his bad missions."

"So, why change things?"

"Teyla said it wasn't fair for Rodney." Ronon elbowed him, then grimaced as he brushed at his arm. "She thinks he needs to laugh."

"So tell him jokes!" John narrowed his eyes. "Did he bribe you or something?"

"No. Sheppard, you keep us safe when there's danger. He has to keep people safe all the time, even from the city. McKay gets hurt almost as often as you, but he's the one who usually gets laughed at." Ronon looked at him intently, looking for something in John's face. He didn't know what, though, until Ronon said, "Do you understand? We're the best friends he has, and we make him a joke. He's almost as alone as I was when I was a runner. He needs this."

"That was...long." Watching the scientist and the Athosian walking in front of him, heads leaning together as they talked, John said, "So this is some kind of team morale thing?"

"Yeah. And it's just fun to laugh at you." Ronon ducked as John threw a gob of the... stuff... at him.


	5. Support Staff

"What exactly are we doing here again?" Rodney sneered then snapped his fingers. "Oh, that's right! Trying to repair these containment fields! And why is that? Because if you don't, and we need them, we're going to die."

"But, Dr. McKay, we have no idea-"

"That's right, you don't." Suddenly Rodney sounded tired. "How old are you? Twenty-six? Twenty-seven? And this is your first time away from Earth."

"Well, actually, I'm twenty-five, and yes, but I don't see how that has anything to-"

Again cutting off the Italian engineer, Rodney said, "It has everything to do with it. Have you even seen a Wraith? Have you fired a weapon? Fixed a broken DHD with five Wraith darts trying to scoop you up and there are Wraith on the ground and your friends are dying? Dying! And you're trying to work and shoot Ronon's blaster, while trying to get a pressure bandage on his gaping chest wound? Huh? Have you?"

Radek had frowned as he listened to Rodney's voice rise with every word until he was practically screaming. He raised his hand to his radio, but wasn't sure whether to radio Colonel Carter or Colonel Sheppard. Or maybe Dr. Keller, he thought as Rodney's voice broke with his next words.

"Sometimes even when you don't know what to do, you have to do something. You may be a genius on Earth, but you have to be a miracle worker in Pegasus. You have to fix things. You need to know the answers. It's all on you in the end."

Radek made his decision. "Colonel Carter, I need you in Lab 2, please." Sheppard wasn't fully recovered from the last mission, Ronon and Teyla were on another planet following a lead on her people, and he didn't want Rodney removed from duty by Dr. Keller. He thought the physician was a nice lady, but didn't think she could handle Rodney like this. Whatever 'this' was.

"What's the problem, Radek?" Sam sounded tired. She'd been in meetings all day with Colonels Ellis and Caldwell. He would be tired, too.

"Rodney is having meltdown." He hesitated. "I think perhaps he needs break. Maybe someone with similar experience can calm him down."

"I'll be right there." He heard her sigh before she signed off, and felt a spurt of irritation. She had no right to that. Only those who had lived and bled with him had that right. He flinched as he caught the end of the rant.

"-knowing that you're going to die, but not before you've had the location of Earth tortured out of you? I don't think you have any idea of what life in Pegasus is like!"

"Listen, I know you think you're like god here, but I've read the reports, so I think I have a good grasp-" Radek cringed at the idiocy of the man.

The Canadian slammed his hands on the table. "Have you ever died? No? You think you can know how it is by reading reports? Wait until one of your friends blows his brains out because you failed him! Wait until your best friend gets blown up ten seconds from safety! Or when you're shot at by someone who was supposed to protect you! Then you tell me you have some kind of grasp!"

"Rodney?" Samantha Carter entered the lab. She was dressed in civilian clothes and her hair was haphazardly gathered into a clip. "What's going on?"

When Rodney turned, Radek could see the man looked tired. No, he looked exhausted. Drained.

"I cannot believe the utter incompetence of the so-called scientists the SGC is sending! And, Sam, they're so young." The CSO shuddered. "I can't be responsible for them!"

"Rodney, why don't we go have some hot chocolate?" Sam gently took his arm. He blinked at her. "And don't tell me you're too busy. I know better."

"I am busy! There's just so much to do! And I have to make sure these morons know what they're doing- we could be attacked tomorrow! Or find another nano-virus, or-or..." He slumped a bit and rubbed his face. "I just have to make sure they know."

"I know. But right now, I think you need a break." She smiled at him. Radek sometimes wished she would smile at him that way, but knew that was reserved only for Rodney. There was nothing romantic in it, but it spoke of respect, caring, _knowing_. And Rodney was putty in her hands when she aimed that look at him.

"Fine. Radek? Make sure they learn how to fix these fields. If they can't do it blindfolded by tomorrow? You get a vacation on the kid's planet again." Sending the Czech a final glare, he allowed Sam to lead him from the room.

"Thank god he's gone. I cannot believe the ego that man has." The Italian- Dr. Rizzola was speaking to a few other new recruits. He wasn't aware of the looks from the more senior members of the science department. "Hopefully, Colonel Carter will have him locked up. He's insane."

Just as Radek opened his mouth to correct the man, someone beat him to it. "McKay's right. You're an idiot." Radek looked up in surprise. Colonel Ellis was probably the last person currently on this base he would have expected to agree with Rodney.

Radek watched in amazement as the Colonel stalked into the room. "While you're here, you might want to take some advice. Rodney McKay is probably your best shot at survival in this city."

One of the other scientists snickered, "Apparently his ability to charm Colonels is true."

Colonel Ellis turned cold eyes towards the group. "You really don't have any idea, do you? Personally, I despise the man. But I know that he's really the genius he says he is. If nothing else, if you can't actually like him, you had damn well better respect him."

"Colonel, you needed something?" Radek was grateful for the soldier's support, but felt this was a matter for the science department to handle privately. He'd gotten Rodney out of here so he could do just that.

"I was actually looking for Colonel Sheppard, figured I 'd check here first." He added with a smirk, "Do you need help here?"

"Thank you for your endorsement of Rodney, but I think it's best if I handle this." Radek allowed himself one sly smile.

Ellis returned it, clearly remembering the last time he'd insulted McKay. The problems he'd experienced had followed him the whole way back to the Milky Way galaxy. "I agree." He sent one last glance at the new scientists as he left the room, deliberately (Radek thought) showing both glee and pity.

"Now, we shall talk, yes?" Radek kept his voice even, but allowed his eyes to show his anger. "There are many things you need to learn..."

Several hours later, five pale and shaking scientists emerged from Lab 2. Radek was seen leaving moments later, wearing a satisfied smile. Radek would allow him to keep believing it was his own style of managing that made the scientists toe the line. Dr. Radek Zelenka was content to remain second in command (_the shadowy figure who held the real power_, he chuckled). He received most of the same benefits that Rodney did, but not the same burdens.

Sometimes he felt guilty about it, but there were times, such as this, when he witnessed the toll taken on McKay, that he was so grateful that he felt ashamed.


	6. Betting Pool

Major Lorne had been pretty arrogant when he'd come to Atlantis. He'd thought that being on a gate team at the SGC had prepared him for pretty much anything. He'd fought in the Milky Way, been aboard space ships, heck, he'd even seen people from alternate realities. He'd worked with people he liked, people he hated. Scientists, soldiers, diplomats, aliens.

People sometimes say that first impressions are lasting impressions. He'd have to disagree. Evan knew that he hadn't seen anything in Sheppard's team to recommend them. At first.

When he'd first met his CO, he'd thought, "Pretty flyboy, probably has daddy to thank for his cushy position." Then he'd remembered that the man had killed his commanding officer to get his post. And killed a company of enemy soldiers in a few hours. By himself. He'd figured the man was slightly psychotic and the brass had shipped him off to hide him away.

A few months on Atlantis had changed his perspective a bit. Colonel Sheppard wasn't by the book, he wasn't big on enforcing a lot of the regulations, but seeing the way everyone deferred to him (with the exception of his team and Dr. Weir) had told him that the man had earned their respect. Even marines who'd been under Colonel Sumner looked at Sheppard with near hero-worship. Sheppard was a better leader than he'd expected, and truth be told? He liked the man's sense of humor and his loyalty.

Ronon was barely civilized, or so it seemed. He had been ragged and rough. Well, he still was, but underneath, he wasn't at all. Yes, the Satedan liked fighting Wraith. But he was fair. Like a hero of the old west. Ronon practiced a kind of frontier justice, but he wasn't a barbarian.

Teyla had struck him as cold. She seemed to hold herself separate from everyone. Evan had thought it was because she was the leader of her people and she felt superior. But he'd learned that she was simply composed. The Athosian was very much concerned with keeping her emotions checked. He supposed that if he knew every time the Wraith were around the corner, he'd have to keep his feelings locked up, too. Or run crying to hide in a dark room.

His opinion of McKay hadn't really changed. It was more that he'd added thoughts to the whole. Like adding subtle graduations of light to one of his paintings. McKay was a jerk. He was petty and arrogant. Truthfully, Evan could barely stand him most of the time. But he'd learned that if the Canadian let you in, he would stand and face anything with you. He'd work himself to death so that people he didn't even like had a chance to survive.

Today, he'd been assigned as back up to the team on a scouting mission. They were looking at some ruins that might hold a gate address. Of course, McKay was talking a mile a minute and Sheppard was intentionally riling him up.

Teyla stood near the perimeter quietly talking to a few marines. Ronon was sitting on one of the downed pillars, blaster weapon in hand. With the sky a bright blue and filled with wispy clouds, it was a picturesque scene. Evan wandered closer to his CO to listen in.

"- strategy and planning!" Sheppard's voice rose in a whine.

"Please. Trying to blow things up and running towards the enemy is not strategy. And 'We'll come up with something on the way' is so not planning." McKay fluttered his hands around his head. "That's why I question your mental faculties."

"Mensa, Rodney." Sheppard said in a sing-song voice.

"Being able to take the test is not the same as having common sense- or any sense of self preservation!" Rodney punched a few keys on his laptop. "Look at this! I have proof."

"Geeze, you made a spreadsheet?" Sheppard smirked. "I'm flattered."

"Don't be. The data clearly shows that you, Colonel, are either deranged or missing something vital in your lizard brain." Rodney pointed to something on the screen.

"That doesn't prove anything." Sheppard shrugged, but looked a little uncertain.

"Radek and I have run the simulations-"

"You and Radek ran simulations? About me?"

Rodney looked at him like he was crazy. "Of course. I might be, well, not as objective as I need to be, because, you know. Friends. So I asked him. Anyway, Woo compared your behavior to the-"

"Woo? Who is Woo?" Sheppard positively goggled.

"Woo is a specialist in animal behavior." He waved a hand. "Yes, Yes, I know. Barely a science. But we needed the input for the simulation. Miko input the data-"

"Just who all worked on this?"

"Uh, well, Radek set up simulations, Woo used the general behavior models of primates to help, Miko and uh, well, a few more...OK, most of the science department. And medical. A few marines..." Rodney trailed off. "And Chuck is running the pool."

"You have a pool?" Evan winced in sympathy for his CO. "What kind of pool?"

"We have a book on infirmary stays. The big one is crashing another ship. Lots of people on that one." The Canadian rolled his eyes. "I bet five pounds of coffee on you getting possessed by another alien entity within the year. You're almost due for that one."

"Yeah, I figured two more years on the crash." Ronon smiled. "Teyla's down for ten months in the 'Captured by a Woman" book."

"Seriously? I thought at least five years for that. Maybe I'm giving him too much credit. Hm." McKay looked back at his tablet. "Sheppard, see if we missed anything." He thrust the laptop at him.

Sheppard's face reflect a sort of horrified fascination. He said, "Wait! That one wasn't my fault!"

"Really? Did you run away from the large hairy dragon thing? No. You yelled at it and threw rocks. Very indicative of mental illness." Evan choked back a laugh. McKay heard him, though. "Yes, very funny, Major. Did you know that most of the bets on you? Have to do with you wearing a dress. And dancing."

This time he heard Ronon snicker. Sheppard bent over laughing. Evan rolled his eyes and looked at Teyla. She was studiously studying the treetops, but her lips were twitching. "Can we pretend we lost him?"

Evan smiled as the scientist began ranting. This was why he loved being on Atlantis. It wasn't the danger or excitement. It wasn't the lure of exploring a new galaxy. It was that the people here were, well, just a little crazy. In a good way.

"I chose two months for McKay crashing a ship." Ronon said after a pause.


	7. Universal Humor

"You've got to be kidding me!" Rodney's head dropped forward to his chest.

Ronon laughed at him. "No."

"Relax, Rodney. A little water never hurt anyone." Sheppard elbowed him.

It had taken them nearly three hours to walk to the sacred waters. Well, it was really a small pond, and it was only sacred to the one village. The neighboring village used it to bath their animals. Either way, it was like a small oasis in the middle of a forest. Or a desert. Both.

John shook his head and looked around. The ground was sand. No small shrubs or grass grew here. But trees did. At least, he thought they were trees. They were tall enough to prevent them from landing a jumper anywhere near the water. And they had branch-like things with leaves, even if they were blue.

Rodney's reaction had come from the small temple (hut) in the middle of the pond. The water was shallow (but nearly black), so they were going to walk to it. It wasn't even far from shore. It was just that the elders required that they remove their clothes before entering. And one of them stood silently observing to make sure they followed their customs. It was a matter of judging whether the visitors would respect them. A matter of building trust.

"I am not walking naked through knee deep water that's probably full of poisons and leeches. Who knows what's been left in here from those goat things." Rodney complained. "And who knows what might be swimming in the water."

"I am sure it will be fine." Teyla was already removing her clothes, as were Ronon and Sheppard. "The natives enter this water frequently."

"Better than waist-deep, if there is poison." Ronon gave him a look. "Or things with teeth."

Rodney sighed, keeping his eyes down. John choked, trying not to laugh at the expression on McKay's face. As the scientist began to remove his clothes, Sheppard couldn't hold back his laugh. "Seriously? Where do you buy those things?" He pointed at Rodney's boxers.

"What? Why? Oh! And why are you- hey, stop looking!" Rodney scowled.

"I think they are very...amusing." Teyla said, standing nearly naked in the Athosian version of underwear.

Ronon shrugged, a smile peeping through. "Earth kids probably like them."

"Madison sent them to me! I only wore them because I was too busy- saving Atlantis, I might add- to send these to the laundry."

"Yeah. We believe you, buddy." Sheppard laughed and slid his pants down.

Everyone studiously avoided looking at the others, team closeness only went so far, after all. And John didn't think anyone would want Teyla catching them ogling her. They waded to the hut, keeping their eyes open for anything that moved in the water. When they reached the hut, it was by unspoken agreement that Sheppard would go first to make sure it was clear. Rodney entered next, with Teyla and Ronon bringing up the rear. (Sheppard had to snicker as he said it, though both Pegasus natives gave him glares.)

"There's nothing in here." Rodney huffed.

"Look around some more, McKay. You know, poke at the walls."

"I mean, it's an empty hut."

John looked. There was no hum of Ancient tech, no glow from activating Ancient equipment, nothing. Just a straw hut. He shrugged and followed Rodney out into the sunlight.

"Well, at least we gained the trust of the elders. Maybe we can trade for food?" Sheppard saw movement on the shore. "Hey!"

They all turned to see the elder who'd followed them standing on the shore. Bundled into his arms were all their clothes. Waving, he turned and began running through the trees. They could hear his giggles in the air behind him.

**On Atlantis..**.

"Incoming wormhole." Chuck watched the monitor. "Colonel Sheppard's IDC."

Samantha Carter frowned. "They aren't due to check in for another three hours. Open a channel. "You're early. Anything wrong?"

"_Hey. Uh, Sam?_" Rodney's voice was shaking. Her stomach knotted. "_When we shut down the wormhole, could you dial us up and send some clothes?"_

"Huh?"

"_We all need some clothes_."

"Why?"

"_Because these stupid, backwards natives thought it would be the height of hilarity to send us naked into a lake and then take our clothes! Apparently juvenile humor is universal, and we're currently wearing blue leaves._" Rodney snapped.

"OK. I can do that." She silenced the chuckles from behind her, remembering a mission where she'd come back wearing a blue gown. Sometimes missions just went this way.

"_Aw, Rodney's just mad because they strung up his boxers as a new flag over the meeting hall._" Amid laughter, she heard Sheppard say, "_His Toy Story boxers._"

The control room was quiet for a moment, then Sam snorted and everyone else burst into laughter. Yeah, sometimes mission went this way.


	8. It's Not Nice to Gossip

It was a normal day. Well, as normal as things ever are in the Pegasus galaxy. It wasn't as if you could really judge normal by things like life-force stealing aliens (created by the first version of humans, no less), nanites, wormholes, subspace, hyperspace, and the occasional foray into time-travel. Of course, you got used to things like that. At least Rodney McKay got used to things like that. He sighed as he set his tray on the table.

One of the things he still hadn't completely gotten used to was caring. Caring about people. People caring about him. He'd spent so long being the outcast, used for his genius and nothing more, that it was still foreign to him that that there was someone who genuinely cared about his well-being. Much less that there was a _group_ of people who like him.

Take Teyla. Who could imagine that someone so beautiful, both inside and out, would find something in him that she liked? That she could see him as family. There were more reasons for her to loathe him than like him. But, he might- just might- dare to say that she loved him. And he just couldn't see it.

And Ronon Dex. Come on. They had nothing in common but for a love of food. Rodney might be really, really bad with people, but he knew one thing. A mutual appreciation of good food wasn't much to base a friendship on. Especially when one of those people threw out insults like other people blinked. Again, not much that he'd like if he were Ronon. He speared something green on his tray. Nope, nothing explained why Ronon was so protective of him.

And then Sheppard. Air Force. Pilot. Rodney wasn't brave like Sheppard. He didn't have the charm John did, and Rodney (if he was honest with himself) wasn't any competition in the looks department. So why would they like him?

His musing were interrupted when Teyla laid her hand gently on his arm. "Thank you. I do not need you to defend me, but it was kind of you to do so."

"Huh?" Rodney nearly choked on the broccoli-ish things. His mind brought up a scene from earlier...

_The mess hall was fairly crowded, mostly with the new arrivals. They'd only been on Atlantis for a week or so, but so far, most seemed to have adjusted. Rodney hunched closer to his laptop, trying to ignore the ones who hadn't._

_Case in point: Two marines sitting at a table close to his. He figured they must not know who he was yet. They surely had heard his name, but possibly had never seen his face. He tried to tune out the conversation, but they were just too loud._

"_...an ape. And I think Colonel Sheppard keeps them because they can fight." The red-haired marine- a Very Stupid Man- picked up a carrot. "At least the big one. The alien chick, well, I imagine he keeps her around for another reason." They snickered. Rodney felt his face flush in anger._

"_That big one? Dex, right? He's not as bad as they say." The other marine- Stupid Man Number Two said. "He's just big."_

"_I know. But to hear the guys talk, he's a killing machine. And you know what? Major Lorne said to watch out for their geek. Oh, yeah, we're going to be afraid of the scientists." He snorted. _

"_I don't know what Sheppard was thinking, two aliens and a scientist on his team. I mean, he may as well walk around with a sign that says 'Easy Target'. Surprised they lived so long."_

"_Well, I guess they've been lucky, or they exaggerated when doing the mission reports." The redhead rolled his eyes. "They'd never last a week at the SGC. I was so mad when I got my orders."_

"_Yeah. This place stinks." Both retreated into glum silence. _

_Rodney was just breathing out, thinking he wouldn't have to show them the light, when Stupid Man number two said slyly, "Maybe training with the Athosian girl won't be so bad. You know, pin her to the mat, so to speak."_

_That was it. Rodney stood, his chair sliding loudly across the floor. He crossed the few steps to their table, too angry to feel intimidated when both stood. "First of all, if you value your life, you will never, ever say anything like that again. Secondly, you should know that there is no one on this base who will stand for you insulting Sheppard, Teyla or Ronon."_

_Stupid Man One said (with little concern for his life, Rodney thought) with a sneer, "Right. I bet everyone just loves them all. And you're president of their fan club. Geeks always belong to a fan club, right?"_

"_I don't think you know just who you're dealing with. Obviously the SGC wanted to get rid of you and another galaxy was the furthest they could send you. I'm not someone to trifle with. Furthermore, Sheppard is the reason there is even a base to be assigned to, let alone live people in the city. I cannot believe the utter stupidity that you are currently displaying by gossiping and maligning your superior officer in a mess hall full of people who owe their lives to him." He waved his hands in the general direction of everyone else._

_When both simply stared, Rodney continued, "As for Ronon, let me tell you, he is not scary because he's big. He's scary because he can kill you in less than a minute in at least two dozen different ways. And that's not counting the ways he can keep you alive but make you wish you were dead. He stayed alive while running from the Wraith for seven years. With the obviously defective brain cells in your heads, I give you one month- and that's only if you don't leave the city."_

"_Oh, this must be the infamous Dr. McKay." Redhead nodded in his direction. "The one who's full of hot air."_

"_We don't have to listen to this!" Second Stupid Man snarled._

_Rodney narrowed his eyes. He put every bit of menace he could manage into his voice. "And if you ever talk about Teyla that way again, I will personally make sure that one of the transporters malfunctions and you don't get put back together the right way. Maybe I'll even wait until you're together in one and mix up the parts while you're in transit."_

_Both of the men went pale and shifted slightly away from him. Satisfied that he'd gotten his point across, Rodney turned and stalked back to the labs. _

His focus snapped back to Teyla when she gently nudged his arm. He blushed. "Oh, well, it was nothing really. Just more idiots fresh from the SGC. How many imbeciles can one base have? They always claim to recruit the best and brightest, but if that's what they consider-"

"Hey, buddy." A huge hand slapped him on the back. Ronon settled in the chair across from Teyla.

"Watch it! You could have bruised me!" Rodney rubbed at his shoulder. "I'm not an ox like you. My skin is delicate."

"Hear all the new marines are afraid to use the transporters." Ronon grinned.

"Yes, well. I can't help it if Earth keeps sending drooling fools to Atlantis. And they need to learn quickly who not to insult." The scientist straightened in his seat. "I'm not someone you mess with."

"That's for sure." Sheppard dropped his tray in front of the empty seat. "I can't believe you told them you'd make the transporters mutate them, Rodney. Is that even possible?"

"I never said- OK. I may have hinted that if they continued to express their extremely unintelligent opinions, the transporters may malfunction and not re-materialize them properly. " He looked up at them. "That's all. And yes, that is possible. Theoretically. Obviously, we aren't going to test the theory."

"Gee, Rodney, I didn't know you cared." Sheppard snickered as Rodney's face turned red.

"Oh, that's right. Mock me. Why am I not surprised?" He rolled his eyes. "And how did you find out?"

"Well, you did get into their faces right in the middle of the lunch rush, McKay." Sheppard pointed out.

"And several of your scientists were quite impressed by your creative threats." Teyla's eyes twinkled at him.

"It's all the soldiers talked about during sparring." Ronon added as he took a bite of his roll.

"Hey, the mad scientist thing works for you. You should go with it." Sheppard slouched and sent an amused glance at Ronon.

"I am not exactly a mad scientist. That's Zelenka. He certainly has the hair for it." Rodney stabbed his fork into a piece of meat. "And I'll have you know I had very valid reasons for doing that. I don't have time to break them in gently, Colonel. When the time comes that I have to save your collective rears, I can't have them questioning me. Or you."

"I do that. Question you, I mean." Sheppard raised a brow.

"That's different." Rodney shifted in his seat like a small boy.

"Yeah. You like me."

"Not really. It's more of a 'the devil you know' thing." Blue eyes glared.

Teyla sent Sheppard a reproving smile. "You should not tease him so, John."

"But it's fun." John sent her his best charming grin.

It fell flat. She knew him too well. "Rodney was very noble."

"Noble doesn't scare people. Mean does." Ronon sent Rodney an approving look. "Good job."

"Yes. Thank you. I'm the mean- yet noble- mad scientist. Now can we drop this? I really have better things to do. I have to experience stupidity in the labs. New scientists, too."

"Well, if you need Ronon or Teyla, I'm sure they'd be willing to take a few of your more stubborn newbies aside." Sheppard smiled. "Or I could have the marines take them on field training."

"I got nothing better to do." Ronon grinned.

"I would be very interested in seeing how you acclimate your new staff." Teyla added diplomatically, eyes still sparkling.

"No, no, and no."

"Seriously, why'd you say all that?" Sheppard was watching him with his 'I know everything, you can't lie to me' look.

"I thought we were going to drop that." Rodney squirmed. "Because. You know. You're my friends and you'd do it for me."


End file.
